Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
