How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
