An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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