Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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