You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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