he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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