Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love you. Go after that dick
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