i think my mom watched the whole time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
