My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
