I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
