Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
