you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
