Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
