Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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