I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
