I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
one might say we're banned from that church
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
