Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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