i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
