I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
