Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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