He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
