The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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