I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
