She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
