My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
