He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
