Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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