So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
