i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
MIDGETS
????
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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