I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
