Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
