It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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