...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
