Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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