So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
