physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
