Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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