Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
