Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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