why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
