oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
