well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
