I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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