i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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