FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
