pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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