Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We left an ass print on the piano.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your cock deserves a montage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
