I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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