She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
