Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
