My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
