the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
