I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
